Play is Healing

Not all children have the good fortune of having the opportunity to spend Halloween with family or friends of their choice. Some children would have spent this time within the care system, in the company of carers, therapists or some other adults and young people they are not related to.  Not all of them have the chance to celebrate with classmates at school or can go ‘guising’ with neighbours, but it is always possible to organise activities that can bring the ’spirit of spookiness and fun’.

Decorating the house, munching tablet, ducking for apples, carving pumkins, preparing witches brew, reading spooky stories at bed time, to name but a few!

I have recently found myself in the situation where I have to move on even when it does not feel the right time to do so.  Well, we have all been there some time…haven’t we?   Whether it has been our decision or we have been put in the situation where we have to end therapy and make an exit (even a temporary unplanned break)  from a child’s life.  How do you handle it? What has worked for you? Has it worked for the child? Their parents?

Any words of consolotion from your supervision?

Many times the simplest thing is the one we overlook! Letting a child/young person know that they are seen and heard is vital. The feelings and nourishment derived from that simple and honest knowledge are quite powerful.

We adults tend to expect children to listen to us but how often do we reciprocate and actually hear what they are saying? Life at the moment is quite frantic and stressful and it is very easy to leave out little gestures, a few words, something to let our children know that we see and hear them as the unique individuals they are.

I never thought that my marbles jar would be as popular as it has been. Neither did I suspect that girls can be fiendishly competitive and ruthless when it comes to playing with marbles; nor that boys could hide them tenderly in the sand for me to find.

I remember playing with marbles when I was a kid, watching boys win each others lot, cheering my brothers when they won and nicking a couple (of their treasured ones..!) because I loved their colours.  Little did I know then that all these years after I would be rekindling the sense of wonder that a bunch of marbles can give.

Big ones, little ones, translucent, coloured; they can become almost anything in the play room: treasure, food, money, sensory devices, a form of communication, something to give and take or something to roll backwards and forwards between two people.

Have you ever asked or better still, have you ever been asked this question as a parent, therapist or a child? It is an invitation that should not be ignored because it has the power of opening many doors.  Some of these doors will give you the privilege of entering and sharing a special space where feelings and thoughts can be expressed.

Don’t over analyse or try to be very directive, just enjoy the opportunity, be open to listen and allow this creative process to facilitate communication.

One of the cornerstones of Play Therapy in practice is confidentiality and it is one of the concepts that we must explain to our young clients.  What does it mean? What form does it take?  Is it the same as keeping a secret? Are we going to tell anyone about what they have trusted us with? What if we have to go to court? Or write a report that might affect their family contact?

I always explain to my young clients and to their parents/carers and whoever commissions a piece of work, that what goes on in the Play room between the children and myself is not a secret or something hidden; it is Private and Confidential.  That the work we do is based on trust and respect and that whatever I might need to discuss with adults outside the room would be for the benefit of the children and with their approval (details belong to them and they can talk about play therapy if they want to).

 I always try to provide a little private space within the play space (when possible I have one of those tiny little play tents) just so that kids have the chance of removing themselves if they feel they need to(sometimes they like to talk to me from inside the tent).  This is not always possible, but then I bring a ’special’ piece of cloth/fabrics which can create the space in whichever form the child chooses (draped over chairs, tables, on the floor or just wrapping themselves in it).

Building a den is part of childhood and it belongs to boys and girls, siblings, friends or neighbours. In the garden, garage, almost any space available would do. Even if it is raining and they have to share their room, they can always build a den in the living room or somewhere in the house.

If you have an only child and no neighbours or any other playmate around, your kid can build wonderful kingdoms all by himself/herself,  just be available to help if asked to help and honoured if invited in!

Well it might not sound very therapeutic to you but going out fishing with your kid, nephew, grandkid or befriended young person, can be just the thing to do to spend time ‘alone together’ in a quiet space.

I am not one for worms or maggots but I can untangle a knotted fishing line and hook and anybody can sit by the water with a book or sandwich.  There is a whole community of anglers that will led a hand when needed and it really does not matter if it rains the whole time and you don’t catch anything!

What does being a big sister mean to you? Are you one or do you have one? How about if you have children? Just the other day this came back to me, not just because I am one but because while working with a young mum and her four year old daughter the subject came up.

After being told by her mum in the reception room: to listen, be kind and share the toys with her little brother; she walked into the play room and played quietly for a few minutes.  Mum tried to engage her in play but she was not sure and when suggested that ’surely sometimes it must be ok being the big sister’  ‘No is not’ came a quick reply. ;o)

What is your gut reaction when a child tells you that he/she did not feel anything, just after you have observed them behaving in quite an anxious manner?

Sometimes children can not make sense of what they feel or do not have the word for what is going on inside them. Even understanding the words adults use to explain feelings can be hard to grasp.  Taking time to listen to the description of how and where it feels in the body, and relating it to a shared experience might help. Going for a walk, drawing and choosing some music might open the child to let you know what is really going on inside.