Play is Healing

When was the last time that you actually played a game with your kids? What kind of game was it? If we move away from ‘virtual’ activities for a night and spend time with our teens at home,  it might be: a)interesting b) frustrating  c)energising  d) exhausting  e) fun f) all of the above  g) none of the above

Sometimes old fashioned, traditional games are good points of contact between generations. You can form teams, have guests, set ’special’ family rules/prizes limits and boundaries. I find that flexibility is key, and as adults, parents should be the more flexible ones!

Give it a go and discover what activity you enjoy sharing with your children! From board games and Uno cards to twister or a night out ten pin bowling.

Grief and Loss are part of the human condition and children experience these however much adults try to believe the contrary: ‘what they don’t know won’t hurt them’; ‘we’ll talk about it when they’re older and can understand’…

For most children, the first direct experience of grief as we adults understand it, is the death of a beloved pet. There’s so much that goes in the allowing the expression of mixed feelings and the rituals we might observe to help them say goodbye, after all we as parents might also have felt the loss of a family pet sometime. Is it the same saying goodbye to the 12 year old family pooch than to a gerbil that lived two months in the child’s bedroom?

Believe it or not we make those value decisions for them and expect them to see things our way.  How do you see this? Do you have ‘family protocols’ to deal with such eventualities?

When was the last time that you looked at the sky at night and shared the experience with your child or the young people you look after? It is a great experience, and if you can pinpoint some of the constelations. satelites or events such as lunar eclipses and meteor showers…you will be opening a door to wonder and exploration.

‘Discovering Orion’, ‘finding the Big dipper’,tracing the Milky Way with your hand and ’saluting Venus’ are unforgettable experiences. If not around the campfire, on a quiet beach or your back garden…a planetarium, a dark room with flourescent stickers could do.

This is one of those favorite games that started so early in our lives we probably don’t remember when we played it for the first time. It goes back to that initial Peek-a-Boo game between primary carers and babies. The thrill/fear of hiding and not knowing/seeing nor being seen and the relief/excitement and joy of the baby at being ‘found’/seen, are early and strong emotions.

It is amazing how some of those primal sensations stay with us and can be the source of much pleasure even as far as adolescence! Have you played with teenagers? It can be a hoot even if it is  just you and a fourteen year old with a torch on an autumn or winter evening…

Hi again, it has been a while…then again I have so much material to write about just now that i better just get down to it!     This entry is called ‘Picking Brambles’ but it could be any kind of fruit or berry you might find along hedges or by the side of a stream (burn)! 

 I have done this as a parent sometime ago, as a Play worker and working therapeutically with a young client in residential care. We went for a walk outdoors and explored our surroundings and there we discovered all these Bramble bushes heavy with fruit. After talking about what they were and that they were edible, we decided to pick some and make jam.

We walked, talked, picked and ate most of the fruit as you do when you are collecting fruit with a child! Once back it was jam making time and later after dinner, my young helper had scones with butter and ‘his own bramble jam’ for dessert.

‘Once upon a time…’ ‘This is the story of how…’ ‘Did anybody tell you…’ ‘I wonder if you know…’ ‘Speaking of…’ I hope all those phrases bring special memories to you, would they bring such feelings to your children or any of the kids you work with?

The art of storytelling is alive and kicking but maybe not as widespread and valued as it once was. Who told you stories? Your grandparents, mum, dad, a special auntie, an older sibling, cousin?  Perhaps in Playgroup, Nursery, Cubs, Girl guides? Maybe as part of your community, faith, summer camp, circle time, etc.?

There are so many elements that add to a storytelling session: the time you take, your audience, props, your voice, the space where you do it (bedtime in a room, around a camp fire, under a tree in the garden, in a quiet circle in your local library, in somebody’s living room, sitting on a parachute or on rugs bunch together in a community centre…) and of course the story you have chosen.

When was the last time you told a story? When was the last time you listened to one? Children and adults from any culture treasure this special art. Why not practice it and nurture it?

This is one of the best loved activities that can be played indoors and outdoors and in any season of the year! All you need is ‘treasure’ (from Pirate Gold coins for me hearties, to marbles hidden in a sandtray for a Play therapist to find) and clues! With a bit of planning you can keep them busy for a good while, and it does not have to be just little ones: you can mix ages, vary clues, maps and different levels of cooperation required to attain the desired end.

So, wherever you might be, make sure that in this season you have what you need before setting those wild and determined treasure hunters out there. As always: clear limits and boundaries, appropriate clothing, age appropriate clues/maps, gauge the level of difficulty when it comes to obstacles, be time aware (not too long…) and enjoy!

I have been away from writing for a fair while, too busy doing with kids and adults of different ages and backgrounds.  I must say that december was quite hectic and the pace is just starting to get even.  

Getting ready for Christmas at work and at home has always been a matter of keeping things moving, while at the same time taking time off to take stock of how far we have gone and how we got there.

Little rituals are very helpful in creating an atmosphere: whether decorating a tree, windows, doors, putting a nativity, lighting candles, wrapping presents, preparing special dishes (tamales, mince pies, etc with a family recipe) and taking time to do things together for the family or for somebody else.

It all goes too quickly, you know, the bit in the middle, the time and feelings that we have been preparing for and that now we remember while we clean, clear and decorate the house, hostel, office, residential home, hospital, etc., all over again so that it looks like nothing has happened.

As I wait for my first young client after Christmas and New Year, I hope most people had the time and opportunity to create good and healing experiences that will stay with them after the last decoration is safely packed way.

Many  play therapists don’t use board games in the Play Room at all and some might occasionally use Educational or specially designed games.  I find that having some mainstream boardgames on offer as part of the choices available can be therapeutic.  It can tell us a lot about the way a child plays: do they know ‘the rules’ of the game? Or do they make them up as they go along? How important is it to win? Do they cheat? Does the child choose a board game because it’s safe and familiar? Can they take turns? How do they cope with time limits and boundaries in general?

It also works the other way around: Is the child using the game to put a distance or building a bridge to involve the therapist and engage him or her in playing? If you have an open mind and are present and aware, many things can come to light while playing. Just make sure it is age appropriate and that you know yourself enough to know what feelings are likely to arise within you. 

There are times when a good pillow or cushion fight is just the thing to disperse excess energy, frustration and restlesness between you and a child/young person; better than any other indoor activity on a cold and wet night. You would be surprised how therapeutic it can be, it is all to do with how you approach it.

Clear the space (make sure there are no ornaments or other objects that might get damaged in the process or cause injury…!),  set simple and clear rules and maybe a time limit (with breaks included considering your stamina) and go for it!

Remember that almost any activity can be therapeutic if you are alert, present and mindful of the participants needs (including yourself!!). Keep an open heart and allow for a way out so that the young person does not lose face. You can always plead for mercy considering: your age, lack of fitness, etc ;o)